Gross.
I’d drag my balls through a mile of cactus and up a hill of rabid lobster just to give you a foot massage after a long day of kicking ass! Oh, and hey!
I like yoga…. so I guess that’s a no.
“If you like Piña Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
If you’re not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you’d like making love at midnight in the dunes on the Cape
Then I’m the love that you’ve looked for - write to me and escape”
my name is Joe. Im not very sure what to say. im kinda new to this whole online thing. Im a fun guy and you seem like a wonderful person so i decided to mesage you… besides stating the obvious things i don’t know what else to say other than I would like to get to know you more… maybe u decide to write me and we can plan our own escape
That’s terrifying.
I beat my teddy bear up and it ran away :( …can I cuddle with you instead?
Um… no thanks.
Good Evening,
The minimal information provided in a profile can be quite misleading. I have stumbled past your account a few times and decided not to message you because we didn’t share enough interests.
In the spirit of trying new things I purpose this. Lets make a plan to do something neither of us has ever done. Who knows what may come of it. Some of my best friends were met through stranger circumstances.
What are your thoughts?
Are you adventurous enough to step out of the comfort of what you know?
Take a chance and perhaps grow as a person in the process?
Note to the Bachelors
If you have a picture of you drinking Mike’s Hard Lemonade, I am judging you. Grow a pair.
”
I attempted surfing - and since I was able to stand up all of 1 second in hours of attempts… you could say I’m pretty good.
Editor’s Note: Really hope that isn’t your attitude on life, smells like failure to me.
Just Let Me Be Funny
So under the section “Most private things you’re willing to admit,” I wrote that I’m a WebMD cancer survivor and recovering hypochondriac. Get it? It’s funny, that’s it. It’s funny, laugh.
But apparently some of these guys think I am serious (Note to guys: If I was serious I really think that would bring up more questions about my sanity, and therefore you probably should not message me or any other girl that has something like that on her profile. Just saying.) Back to the story.
I get a very concerned message from a fellow that read:
“I Nice to see you are still alive after your dangerous condition of being overly cautious about looking up if you are actually sick. I think this would be a time when access to the internet and all its data would be dangerous. Over thinking can cause stress which can cause an actual disease.”
Dude, just let me be funny.
”
After a rigorously brief overview of your profile, I wanted to let you know I have already married and divorced you in my mind. Thanks for all the wonderful imaginary memories…you will always have a special place in my heart.
p.s. You can keep the dog, and I’ll hold on to the house in Hawaii
There are many things I could make a joke about on this one, but I’m just going to go with the first one-Let me stop you at “rigorously brief,” I’m guessing that’s what it would be like to sleep with you.
Bazinga Bitch.
